| | Sorry for saying I would have a new entry for yesterday and probably another by Wednesday.
I don't know when I'll get to it.
But I've got now, 3 ideas. Why not now? Not the right mindset. I just realized that if I had said not the right state of mind, you might suspect it to be chemically altered, whereas mindset doesn't have that connotation.
I've realized a lot lately, but I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know to whom I would be explaining. Nonetheless, I've got to keep this thing existing because sometimes I just need it. I just need to create something, sometimes. There's a lot going in my mind, a lot of the time, and I don't understand it, until I construct it. And that means "blogging," although, when it comes to content, I'm not sure this is a blog as blogs go. Sure, technically it is, but the sort of following or purpose that goes with "blogging" isn't there. I'm post-modern enough to create it and Christian enough to write it without readers. I doubt you understand that, but I don't either, I just know it's true enough to type. And I just said true enough.
Ah, there is something in that intersection I might be exploring for the rest of my life. But I feel like it's cutting edge research most aren't capable of realizing, much less exploring. And there I go again....it's not about comparing, but I do, we do..it is done.
Sometimes, in Wooster, I feel stranded, in Wooster. Don't worry about the grammar, just use the commas.
Usually, at home, which means Ottawa, because it's necessarily vague (because I know the waves will come) for the time being, I feel trapped and forgotten.
I don't know how much either is true in either place. But envision the predicament, if you can and will.
Knowing a lot of things generally means not knowing enough of anything....that's how I feel everywhere.
Why couldn't we be free anyway?
After all, where are we going?
I once pinned much of my hope on a video game that will never come out. We'll never know how the saga ends, but I can love the 30 hours that we do have, right? Endings, what are they any way? Anticipation for what could be could be better than what would have become. I think God knows that, and that's why so few of many of our hope for the future come true. There are beautiful people in the world, and I once believed in love at first sight because of it. But I don't anymore, because I believe in love at birth, that we'll one day discover. "I might be wrong, but it's propelling me forward and seems to work better than conquest, connection, luck, and confidence ever could."
I wrote that at 2:35. It's 2:36 now, and I realize that I wrote that in the period of what was then the longest stretch of singleness I'd had since a gap between my junior and senior years of high school. The longest stretch is now the current moment.
Oh, that putrid current moment. It tires me, yet I can never catch it, not quite. Oh, not never, or ever. Whatever.
Save it.
Bottle it.
Serve it.
Savor but save.
I've taken rabbit trails my whole life. Indeed, I'm not sure I know any other path, and now, I'm afraid I'm running late:
We've got all night, just to make it alright.
Would you take a walk with me?
I'll give you all I've got, just spare me your time.
And I'll promise you won't want to leave.
Are you, are you falling for me?
This time, we'll find what we both need.
There's an old oak tree.
We can swing and sway.
You hold on to me.
(you're so far away)
When I look at you.
You're so far away.
Oh, So far away.
Oh, if you could just let go.
(Would you relax) with me just for awhile
I'll take you out of harms way.
Like these branches that shelter the rain.
We can lay here in our own shade.
Are you, are you falling for me?
Just watch, the two of us will see.
There's an old oak tree.
We can swing and sway.
You hold on to me.
(you're so far away)
When I look at you.
You're so far away.
Oh, So far away.
There is so much that I could give to you.
Just say you want me to.
I know these words could break the ground.
And in the mean time our leaves will turn.
But rest assured, we'll get through anything.
Are you, are you falling for me
Like I, oh I'm falling for you?
There's an old oak tree.
We can swing and sway.
You hold on to me.
(you're so far away)
It's just you and me.
We can get away.
We can get away.
(you're so far away)
(In this place)
We are happy here.
Oh in every way.
Oh and we just let go.
Just let go.
Just let go.
Just let go.
I once heard a story of a girl who caught an oak leaf after years and years of trying. It was from God, of course. But then I heard that she never got quite past the place she caught it. Well, she had left, but not for long ever. It's alright though, because her staying was from God, as will be her leaving, and I'm sure that if God can drop so simple a goal as an oak leaf into her lap, then he will drop so many more blessings according to their time and season.
I've never caught an oak leaf, but I know I love the fall.
|
| | Posted 1/19/2009 2:43 PM - 145 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
Give eProps or Post a Comment |
